Day 8

Well not much has been going on. I got put on partial sharps which was awesome. I also am able to go on my first pass for 45 mins. today. Its short, but i don't even care. I can't wait to taste some real coffee. I'm suppose to go to a wedding July 4th, but my case manager doesn't want me to go, because she thinks that it would be triggering...although i don't think so. I'll be around my mom, so she can watch me to make sure i eat and that i dont' throw up. I realy really want to go. i mean i'm not a baby, if i think that i can handle it, i think that i should make the shot...but all well i guess. i'm still gonna talk to my C.M. for more info.

Sick of Meals

I am so sick of meals. I feel like all they try to do here is stuff your face and make you gain weight even if you don't have to and i'm reallly really sick of the bullshit. I know that i've gained weight, no matter what they say. I can feel it and see it. I'm sick of eating, i've had enough of it. GGGRRRRR!!!!!!! I can't stand it anymore, i will die if i have to eat another f*ckin thing. i swear to god.

Day Six

Well i officially hate meals...
I think that they're too much to handle sometimes. I don't know, they seem pretty stupid. But even more than meals pissing me off, the lack of movement is getting to me way more.
Last night i was so fed up with eating and not being able to move around i thought i was going to die. Then i could feel food comeing back up, and i was trying to stay really focused on not letting anything come back up, so i didn't. Instead i just watched a movie and fell asleep. However after napping i felt even worse, and then it was snack time, which sucked even more.
I felt like i couldn't talk to anyone, and i really didn't want to eat snack, becasue it just made me feel way worse, but what could i do. I didn't think that by telling the RC's they would let me skip snack, so i ate and feel back asleep.

Today seems to be a bit better. Still really boring with no moving around, but my vitals are finally stable which means i can go out on outing today, and i think we're going bowling, so that atleast will be fun.

Talk to you all tomarrow.

Day Four & Meal Plan Increase

Well i'm freaking out slightly. This morning was my first meal with an increased plan. So it was a little more than usual, but it made me really really full. And my mom is coming to visit me today, which i really didn't expect her too, so i'm really happy, but nervous at the same time. My mom wants me out by next Friday, and i'm almost positive i won't be ready to leave by then, so that's a little bit stressful.

So i've been getting to know the staff at CEDC, and i've come to the conclusion there a little strange. Adrienne was walking around all day yesterday singing Micheal Jackson songs, and she's very animated about it. For some reason i got the feeling that Adrienne really hated me, but know i think we're cool. Sadie is awesome and really cool, although she wants to be in the army, so i couldn't really wrap my head around why she's here with kids with eating disorders, but it's all cool. Megan in also pretty cool, and she wants to be a doctor and decided she'd rather work with ED's than drug addicts. And that's all i've found out about the staff so far, but you know, it's only been four days, i'm sure i'll be able to get the scoup on everyone.

So a general question to those of you out there struggling or in recovery...does it ever feel like other people soul purpose is to feed you until your about to burst. I feel like that know. I feel like we eat every two secounds....also they give us tons of fluids. I've probably peed more in the past four days than i usually do in two weeks. Literally...it's kinda scary.

Day Three

Well day three has just started for me. Yesterday was a really tough day. I can't believe how many movements are considered excersise. I must have gotten told to stop moving around at least 50 times. And something i can't wrap my head around, why the hell would they give a group of anorexics and bulimics food like brownies, and apple pie. Like omg, what were they thinking. i'm sorry but to me that was the most irresponisible and least thought out thing i can ever imagine happening.

For those of you that have been in treatment before, does it always seem like your doing something wrong. I constantly feel that way. And some of the groups seem the least helpful in the entire world, its like are they suppose to make you feel worse or feel better, i'm not sure yet. I don't know i guess we'll see how everything goes.

My first few days in treatment

My first few days has been slightly entertaining. When i first got here girls crowed into my room to say hi, which was really nice and made me feel at home. However my first snack and meals have been extreamly challenging, and i sometimes hate it.
So i'm not really sure what to say or how blogspot works, so send me comments.