Straightening Out

Well everyone, things are starting to even out. I know, I know this is good news. So meal plan thing, still not really happening, but more often then not I am consuming more calories. This is a good thing. Well at least that is what i'm constantly telling myself.
Yes, logically i know, calories are good, i should be happy, but i'm not. Theres some kind of empty feeling, not physically, but emotionally. I wish that things could go back to the way they were this summer. Yes i was having a hard time, and yes it was a lot of work, but i was happy. Truely happy, not caring if things went perfectly or not, but learning how to take things in strides. I want that back.

So on a lighter note, my prom is going to be at Fenway Park on May 21st. Long time off i know, but i can't help but be excited. Schools going well. I amazingly got a 90 on a math quiz which just astounds me. I think i spelled that wrong, sorry, my spellin is a little shacky.

Talk to you all later.

Eating Disorder Stink

As you all know I left treatment this summer, and was home and things were going pretty well. Things stayed good until about 2 weeks after being back at school. Now i am in a full relapse. Things aren't as bad as they were before treatment, but they're certainly not going well.

I'm finding it extreamly hard to follow my meal plan requirements. I'm not sure exactly why, but I do believe it may have something to do with the fact that I'm terrified of gaining weight. Logically i know i didn't gain weight over the course of treatment, but i was starting to feel like i was getting hudge. It started out as skipping a snack, then a snack and a meal. And i won't mention numbers, but i am eating significanly fewer calories than i'm suppose to be eating.

Also purgeing, i mean why the hell would i start that up again? I don't know. But i do know that i have, but only when i feel like i've eatten too much, so it averages 1-2x a day, if i eat over so many calories.

Calorie counting, another thing i havent' done in a long time. Why i'm doing it know, couldn't tell you.

So aside from the whole eating disorder suck thing, schools going well. I like my classes, love being with my friends, and teachers are ok. But i do know that i need to get back on track, so if anyone out there has any suggestions, i'd love to hear them.