Been a Long Time

So its been forever since my last update. Some of you already know, but the rest of you i'd like to let know i've finally graduated high school, and i head off to Bridgewater State College on July 6th.
So ED wise, since school got out things have kind of gone down the tubes. I probably have purged at least 3x a day since i got out of school. I think some of it has to do with so much unstructured time, and being nervous about going away to school.
Although part of it i do know has been about the summer, and wearing shorts and stuff.

I'm nervous that when i go to college i won't make friends...and that without anyone knowing about ed i'll let him take over. I already fantisize about getting out of meals and excersing and loosing wieght. I know this isn't good, and i know it's not what i should be thinking about.

It's been one year today that i went to treatment. And in that year, sure, i've gained the weight back that i'd lost, but i'm still no healthier. I wonder if i can divorce ed, or if he'llbe part of me forever, and since i don't know it scares me. But then sometimes i wonder if i want to be better. i don't know, and i really don't know what i'm rambling about. I mean i choose to have an eating disorder, the fact that it know has become an addiction is really my own fault i guess.]

I'll post again soon.